Friday, July 31, 2009

Texts From Last Night...

This is seriously my favorite website right now. It brings me so much joy.
By the way...the numbers at the front are area codes.

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie

(440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

(330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

(978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession

(972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

(518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

(469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine..

(416): I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
(1-416): u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u