Saturday, August 22, 2009
Dear Summer
Its rare that I do alot of actual writing on this blog, but whatever.
Priorities are a funny thing. What seems important at one point seems suddenly unimportant next, and often times you loose sight of what really matters in life. I think that happened to me this summer. Although I will admit that I had some fun, I think I came into this summer expecting more. Last summer was by far the best summer I've ever had, even though I worked 4 days a week when I wasn't traveling.
Its strange for me to work, which is why I mention it. I'm not used to working to get money. Its something that I have to get used to. I've lived a very privileged life and I know that, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's happening or what's going on. I know that I have to work hard from here on out to get to where I want to be when I'm my dads age.
Nevertheless, I think its fair to say that last summer was my best summer. This summer, I don't know what happened. Too much waiting, too little doing things. Its only taken a few nights back in Toronto to realize that this is what I was missing. I don't know what it is, but its what I wanted. I sit here typing away before I go out, and if tonight is anything like last, then I'm excited. I'm back, and now I have a short amount of time to make up for everything I missed. I'm starting to realize the value of time. Earlier this month, I needed some help keeping my cool and coming down basically was like my get away. Good friends can keep you happy, but best friends will keep you sane.
I feel bad, because I almost fucked up a lot of the friendships that I have in Toronto and to those of you who I neglected and ditched, I'm sorry. Even to those in Markham who I haven't seen all summer, that sucks too and I regret it. I've been busy doing jackshit. I didn't come down home to Toronto for all of July and it fucking sucked, because there's nothing more I wanted. Too much waiting on hand-and-foot, too much regret. I'm done trying to be altruistic. Egoism makes the most sense. I leave my phone at home alot because I don't want it.
If I've learned anything this summer, its to not put anything over your friends.
I think that I only started to realize because I've started to see people for the last time. Last time for a while atleast. Its weird to see someone and think "this will be last time I see you for a while." Although not everyone says it, everyone thinks it. We've all grown up in our little bubble of high school and I know there's so much more out there that I want to do and so much more I want to see and so many more places I want to go and so many more things I want to buy and I was supposed to go back to Paris because I miss it but my passport is expired because I procrastinate and summer isnt long enough and I gotta go because someones at the door!
DEAD is DEAD is DEAD